Who is this “Kat” anyway?

As many of you have probably noticed, I offer very little information about who I am as a person beyond my writing on this blog. I sometimes wonder what mental image the people who read my blog have constructed of me with the help of my strange thoughts and ramblings. A shapeless, amorphous conglomeration under the title of “Kat?” A vegan millennial complaining about rent being too high? A pretentious fourteen year old who is looking for friends of a higher caliber than those that have been granted by the circumstances of her age? The best explanation I can give is that I am somewhere in between those three things. Although I do want to remain mysterious, I also want to offer a more humanistic side of me and to perhaps show that I am more than my writing.

Because I have never been proficient at writing about myself, I’ll start with saying that I have the fortune of wearing glasses. The glasses are dark blue, but if you put them in the sunlight, they become a pleasant shade of purple. I’ve only had them for about a year and a half, and I’ve got the lenses changed once already to accommodate my slowly deteriorating vision. The new lenses are stronger at the bottom, which helps when I read or stare into my computer screen, but it has also presented me with the inconvenience of having to look at everything directly. The saying “in the corner of my eye” is dead to me now. It had also become a bit more difficult to give people side eye. Of course, I can still see things that are not directly in my field of vision, but it never hurts to be dramatic, so I whip my head around to look straight into the soul of even the smallest and unimportant object in my life. Despite this (or maybe because of this) I really like my glasses. I see them as a sort of shield or barrier between me and the “real world.” This means I can always have something to hide behind. That, and the fact that they help me see better, that’s important too, I guess.

I also have five scars/ marks on my body, and I think they say a lot about who I am as a person. Most of them stem directly from the fact that I am a very clumsy person. Two are real scars: one long one on my leg and the other a semicircle on the palm of my right hand. I don’t remember exactly where they came from, only vague memories of my summers at a beach house in New England, exploring the woods and climbing in places where I should not be. Those two summers during my childhood, spent by the sea with not a worry in the world fill me with a heavy dose of nostalgia. I like to reminisce about those carefree days, falling asleep and waking up to the sound of the ocean, the salt in the air, the beautiful sunsets and sunrises, the breathtaking wildlife, the lighthouses. I could go on and on about these kind of memories; I am so grateful to have them with me. If anyone has read any of my poems, they’d know that nostalgia is one of my closest friends. Anyway, back to my scars. There are another two I classify as my rock climbing related injuries: the tip of the middle finger on my left hand is slightly bent, and there’s small circle-like indent on one of my shins. I know full well that the latter came from me tripping over a tree stump a few years ago, but who doesn’t like a good story? The crooked finger probably resulted from an unnoticed and untreated injury related to rock climbing, but then again, who doesn’t like a good story? The last mark is a piece of pencil lead stuck right below my tree-stump mark. My brother stabbed my with a pencil when he was four and I was seven. Regardless, I’m very grateful to have three siblings: two younger brothers and one twin sister. Although we did fight a lot and “hate” each other often, I can happily say I had never been lonely during my childhood.

I’ll share one last story. My educational career started off in a public school in New York City. I have mostly fond memories of that establishment. But one memory surfaces above all others when I recall this place. During my first year at school, someone offered my a piece of hard candy. I accidentally swallowed it, and immediately accepted that I was going to die. I don’t remember being sad about it: realizing death had the same emotional impact as if I’d realized that my shoelace is untied. After a day of not dying, I came to the conclusion that I had evaded death, and kept this incident my best kept secret. When people say that children are malleable and easily impressed with ideas, this is an eerily good example of that. But it also showed how ignorant and naive I had been about the world. It must have been that I had not been used to concept of living, and didn’t feel like I would be leaving too much behind. But as we grow older, the burden of memories anchors us down to the living world, making it more difficult to part with. Either way, this memory doesn’t really sit well with me.

I think that these three facts say a lot about who I am as a person. There are of course, many other stories I could tell that would help paint a very vivid picture of me. I think that would be better than me listing off cold, hard facts such as my age, my height, the color of my hair, what my favorite food is. There could be millions of people out there that could be described in a similar way. But stories, no matter which ones you tell and how you tell them, will always be unique.

47 thoughts on “Who is this “Kat” anyway?

  1. It’s lovely that you shared this. To me you’ve never felt like a shapeless mass or anything of that sort, just somebody I like to engage with. But it is nice to get a little backstory and if you allow me to say such an endearing one as well. I’m sure many can relate. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I don’t know If I’ll ever post a photograph of me on here, I’m too self conscious, but I thought it would be nice to share some background information about me. I’m really glad that you found it endearing.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re 14? You did say you were 14 right? 14 when? 10 yrs ago? 20?? LOL The rest of the story passed me by, I mean, anyone and everyone can get stabbed my a homicidal brother with a pencil, but 14? You do well to write as you do at 14, its possible tho! I thought you might be quite young, but not that young! Well its a fine blog anyhow I must say 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, I’m not 14. I’m quite older than that. I think maybe I made it a bit unclear. I listed off a few things people who read my blog may imagine me as: a faceless blob, a millennial (which are people in their twenties) or a fourteen year old. Since I’m kind of a private person, I don’t want to say too much about myself, So I just said that I’m a combination of the above three examples, kind of like a joke, really. I should change that and make it clearer.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I kept myself hidden for a number of years and then a reader convinced me to come out of the shadows and into the light. So my gravatar is the real me and my readers can judge me accordingly. While there are many good reasons to remain a mystery, it’s so nice to learn more about the driver behind the wheel of Kat’s Observations. For instance, a twin sister and sharp pencil wielding little brother surely adds unique circumstances to life. And I like that you are a climber. I was lucky enough to live in Colorado and also in Europe where I spent a lot of time on the ropes. I think it was the greatest challenge and the most fun I ever had. Meeting other climbers from around the world was an instant bond. Keep those observations coming, Kat. It’s always a pleasure.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Maybe one day I’ll share a photo of me, but the thing is, I’ve never cared much about looks. I can’t judge someone by just a photograph. Personality is what makes a person a person.

      That’s so cool that you’re a climber too. I’ve always wanted to climb in Colorado (it seems like everyone there is a climber) but I mostly climb indoors. The climbing community is the best; I’ve met a lot of great people through it.

      Like

  4. I imagine you as mid-twenties, with a science degree, BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL.
    …actually I’m not a visual person, so you’re more of an amorphous blob in my mind, but with a pleasant association of interesting thoughts, love for science, and a relentless pursuit of the truth. Now I’m going to imagine glasses though. You’re like… air with purple-blue glasses, rock-climbing hands with lingering traces of pencil stabbings, typing at a computer. I’m sure everyone else feels the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow thank you. I’m very flattered that you see me in such a way. I’m a little bit younger than that, though. I don’t have a degree yet, but it will be a science one, most likely chemistry. How could you tell that I love science? But my glasses are one of the most distinguishing characteristics about me, and I’m proud of my rock climbing hands, so keep that imagine, I like it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I specifically thought of you as twenty-two, in college or fresh out. I said mid twenties to hedge my bets, but it just made me more wrong, haha! I think it’s delightful that you’re flattered to be an amorphous blob with hands and glasses. It proves to me that you really aren’t into appearances! ^_^

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Physically, I visualize you as on the tallish side, and impossibly lean — nothing burns fat like rock climbing. I don’t picture you as cute/pretty. I figure I’d see beauty in you (but I see beauty in most people, male or female), but I’d be surprise if you’re the human equivalent of a warm and furry cat.

        I have a hard time pinning down intelligence — near as I can figure you are superior to genius class. Somewhere in there. You are also rational — which I now understand to be psychologically distinct from intelligence. I don’t know how creative you are — that too, is psychologically distinct.

        Morally, you are a superb person. Kind (but does you kindness always override your capacity for being irritated with people? I don’t know, but I’m interested in that question). Considerate. Humane. Spirited. Most likely generous. Witty. and so forth.

        Honestly, Kat, how close to reality do you suppose I am here?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’d say overall you’re pretty accurate.

        I am tall: 5’10.5. I really like being tall. I’m not lean though. I had been for most of my life, but this past year has been pretty rough so I gained some weight. I’m on a diet now. Unfortunately, I realized that I’m actually very insecure about my weight. Which I really don’t like, because I’ve never much cared about my looks. Yeah, I’m not pretty. Don’t do anything to try to be. Definitely not a cat.

        Genius? Ummm…I wouldn’t go that far. I’ve always considered myself smart and intellectual. (I’m writing this very hesitantly because I also modest) I am creative though, I’ve always been pretty good at art, and I draw pretty often these days. I think I am kind, so much so that I knowingly let people take advantage of me. But I do get irritated very easily, but I never show it. In all honesty, you think too well of me. I’m a little bit more average than all that.

        Now, would you like me describe what I think of you?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes, I haven’t cared much for appearances. I do what is expected of me, but I’ve never worn any makeup, and I’ve never tried to style my hair into anything that is not a braid. An amorphous blob suits me just fine. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Sarah, my honest opinion of you is this: Like Kat, you’re exceptionally smart. You are somewhat less modest than her, more realistic about yourself and less concerned than she might be about what people think of you. You’ve seen some hard times in your life — you seem to me to have marks of that. You’re “insanely insightful” about a whole lot of things, and you’re very creative too.

        As for your character, which is what’s most important to me about anyone, you strike me as reasonably kind, but not extremely so; generous most likely; intellectually and otherwise honest, not fearful of much beyond your own imaginings; good sense of humor, including being able to laugh at yourself and the foibles of life; considerate of others unless riled by them — and maybe too easily riled at times; and capable of love despite the hard times I suspect you’ve seen.

        Am I in the ballpark?

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Your right on the money with most of these, Paul.

        Exceptionally smart – oh hell yeah!!
        less than modest – hee hee
        Realistic/honest – to me these are the same thing, I pride myself on my ability to assess a situation without (too much) prejudice
        Unconcerned about what people think of you – people either find me inspiring or embarrassing in public
        Seen some hard times – I watched my mom deteriorate and pass from Huntington’s disease. She also had psychosis. Although this sucked, I grew up in a very loving family, we never had to worry about money, we were uncommonly fortunate in many things. I think when you really talk to people, you’ll find that everyone has seen hard times. So I’m not sure if this one’s a yes or a no.
        “Insanely insightful” – this is my new favorite phrase
        Very creative – for some reason this sticks in me as only half right. For most of my life I was more head than heart. I’m learning to trust my gut more nowadays, though, and everyone calls me creative, so read what you will there
        Reasonably kind, but not extremely so – I make a valiant effort to be kind but seem to fail frequently
        Generous – to a fault toward friends, I hope. Not so much towards randoms, screw them. Panhandlers get change 25% of the time
        Not fearful of much beyond your own imaginings – isn’t that what fear is, imaginings? My friends think I’m fearless, but I very much disagree.
        Humor – humor is my favorite coping mechanism.
        Considerate of others unless riled by them — and maybe too easily riled at times – I don’t think this is correct, I’m rarely riled. I’m more likely to get angry at myself than someone else. Sometimes I pretend to be angry for comedic effect but that’s about it.
        Capable of love – aren’t we all? I was repressed once but I’m more capable of it now.

        Jeez, how long did I just blather on about myself. Now you only know slightly more than you knew before, since you were pretty much right about everything. I’ll analyze you in a minute.

        Like

      2. Sarah, never apologize to me for talking about yourself. I’m a connoisseur of fine people. For real. Just like some people can’t hear enough about wines, I seldom can hear enough about anyone I like.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Also, Paul, I didn’t know there was a class superior to genius class! Kat is BOSS.
        Speaking of Kat being boss, I would love to see some of your visual art some time :3 both of you!

        I’m not sure what there is to guess about me since my picture is posted, and my soul is bared. I’m not even sure if you’re talking to me or Paul. But guess away if you want to test any hypotheses.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Me, boss? Thank you!!
        I was considering posting some of my artwork, but I’ve never really shown it to anyone before. Maybe one day.
        Considering the fact that I’m the inquisitive type and always looking for answers, it makes sense that I would be interested in science. Is that how you saw it? But really, I see science as a puzzle. Combine this and that and you can get something amazing and unexpected.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I can’t believe you guys are surprised that I mentioned science, it seemed self-evident. You spend 50% of your time hashing out physics theories! (Your passion is clear when you talk about it, you relish complex concepts like I relish chocolate.) Aside from that, you ask questions and (also a big tell) ANALYZE the answers you get, and your poetry has a very logical bend to it (a start, an ending, sentences make sense,
        little too no abstract metaphors, concrete). Put together it says KAT LOVES SCIENCE!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, you asked Kat for an analysis, not me. Well I already wrote it and since I know you SO WELL I know you’ll want to read it 😉
        Kat, look away! Write your analysis first then come back!

        An insane analysis of Paul

        Apologies to all, this turned out way too long.

        Trying to push the envelope here and go with assumed things which you haven’t explicitly stated in your writings…

        Physically I imagine you as sixties, but pretty fit; the build of a person who still does a lot of hiking. Salt and pepper hair. Laugh lines around your eyes but not as much your mouth. More tan than pale.

        We share humor as our major coping mechanism. Both our families grew up laughing together.
        You let others define you a little bit. You enjoy compliments and so dish them out regularly; this is one of your ways of being kind.
        You clearly love women, maybe are more comfortable with them than men. Probably from having been raised by a single mother. Whether she thought of herself as a feminist or not, I give her credit for your strong feminist values.
        You really love people in general. Humans fascinate you, especially their strengths.
        You’re an optimist.
        You’re charismatic. You know how to get your way with people if you feel the need to push something. A good argument thrills you.
        You like cats.
        This is pushing the boundaries of my knowledge and good taste, but might you be manic depressive? I ask because the rate of your thoughts and posts are so frequent, and you said a drought of posts is on the horizon in one of our earlier conversations.
        You’re addicted to novelty.
        You think before you act.

        Oh, you like character. Optimistic, humorous, insightful, analytical, very kind and considerate, hopeless romantic, loyal, thoughtful.

        …any hits? Misses? Is our budding friendship over?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ok, here goes. I’ll be as honest as I can. You’re not very tall. I’ll say around 5’9. You’re pretty thin. Some people would say too thin, but you don’t think so. You’re also pretty strong, but not from working out, just from going about everyday life. You definitely have a beard. Grey with some white spots. Your hair is also on the longer side, but you occasionally shave it off and start over. I imagine you wear cargo shorts very often during the summer, as well as hiking boots all the time. I can also see you wearing a single small hoop earring in one of your ears. You listen to rock music, and never eat actual breakfast food for breakfast. You either don’t drink coffee at all or drink too much of it.

        During your childhood, you were exploded to nature very often. You have a sense of humor that some people may find to be obnoxious. In college you majored in anthropology and often got in trouble with your professors who thought you took everything as a joke. You considered pursuing a PhD, but you then decided that academia is too damn serious.

        I imagine you having a short temper. You get mad easily. And when you get angry you can say stuff that you would regret saying later. You try to maintain a tough exterior, but deep down inside, you’re a softy. You definitely had more than one cat, and you love your cats a lot. You’re very smart and wise, but many people who know you in real life don’t see that. You have a very vivid imagination, which keeps you occupied during long car drives. I imagine you being very gentle. You’re the kind of person who would give someone a very long hug if they’re feeling sad. You’re understanding but sometimes judge people for very unreasonable reasons. You’re a friendly guy, but also kind of quiet.

        Ok, that’s how I see you. Please don’t get offended, I only mean well.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. This is fun. Both analyzing and being analyzed.

        First, you are spot on about me liking women, and I like them in two ways — I like them as persons, individuals, and I like them as women both. But the same goes for men pretty much equally. You are correct in this sense however, years ago, I was more comfortable around women than men. However, ironically, that was before I discovered women as persons.

        I know it must sound horrible that I didn’t see women as persons, but I was such a high testosterone male that I almost certainly had at least a mild case of testosterone poisoning from puberty perhaps as late as into middle age. Basically my understanding of women as persons was obscured by my sex drive.

        I’m 61, an event in my childhood triggered a chronic depression that went untreated until I was in my 50s. The treatment was successful though, and past few years have been the happiest in my life. I could be in better shape, but I have the constitution of an ox — I never get sick (although I sometimes lie to excuse myself from something and say I was under the weather). I used to self-medicate for depression through sex — which gave me a lot more experience than I would have otherwise had, but so much of it consisted of one night stands (until I got married) that I’d be the last to take much pride in the numbers alone.

        I’m hyper-honest, especially intellectually. I almost make a fetish of truth. HIGHLY rational by human standards. I read a logic text each year to review my skills. Creative, yes, but not as creative now as when I was younger. Average or slightly above average intelligence — I don’t know any IQ scores.

        I consider myself more of a realist than an optimist. Both optimism and pessimism are a bit forced with me.

        I’ve taught myself to be kind. Kindness is the thing I value most in myself and in others. or actually it’s more of a toss up with love.

        I’ve voluntarily celibate, but I’m always falling in love with people — both men and women, but especially women. I imagine someday my heart will change and want partner sex again — when the right cheerleading squad comes along. The last time I knew for sure, I was an exceptionally considerate lover. But in my opinion, that wasn’t so hard to do because I believe most men are clueless in bed – based on what women have told me.

        The people who know me best, such as my brothers, think I’m stoic and never complain about anything. Little do they know that I’m constantly complaining about them — but mainly to the police.

        What else? I think I’m a bit on the boring side, but recently I’ve been wondering about that. One thing I know is that I have met more than my share of interesting people.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Kat, I am genuinely sorry to inform you but you are so wrong about me in almost every way. I am an experimental, laboratory created, compact midget size, thing designed to be a portable sex toy. But I escaped the lab one day and never looked back — hence, my celibacy.

        Ok..Ok…I’m lying. Your right about me often than not! I’m just a hair under six foot, I’m pretty strong for my age — 61–no beard, but I seldom eat breakfast foods. Too much coffee for sure. Grey hair, I look about ten years younger than my age. I let my hair grow long and then have it cut short twice a year. I wear simple clothing, but don’t like my legs, so I’m always in jeans.

        I majored in philosophy like you with a concentration on logic and epistemology. I minored in anthropology and comparative religious studies. I was encouraged to go for a doctorate by several professors but I wanted a life outside the ivory tower.

        You are serious spot on about my temper. It’s like a summer thunder storm. Comes on quick, dumps tons of water, and then is just as quick over . However, over the past decade I’ve gotten much much better at controlling it.

        No cats now, but my second wife had 14, and I loved them all.

        Totally spot on about being gentle — totally spot on about long hugs. Unless I know you are averse to them I’ll give you some of the longest, gentlest hugs in your life — man or woman, doesn’t matter.

        Beyond that, my second wife was maliciously abusive and it made me want to do anything and everything to end abuse when I see. I’m very non violent, but I fight it in other ways.

        As for follies, I have many but I think my single biggest one is I take insane pride — especially for a celibate, insane — in having once been a passable lover (but to be honest, it took years to achieve that).

        Liked by 1 person

      1. If you haven’t discovered her own blog yet, Kat, you’re in for a treat — both of you approach life and blogging through an intellectual lens. Both your blogs are oriented towards “life questions”, and both are highly adept, sensitive, insightful, and intelligent in how they approach those questions.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. ‘Although we did fight a lot and “hate” each other often, I can happily say I had never been lonely during my childhood.’ Love love this. That’s what I think of my little ones. Although they are by societies standards ‘many.’ I wouldn’t have it any other way. There’s isn’t one dull moment in their childhood that I can see. Great post Kat! 😊🙏🏽

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you! I am very grateful for the childhood I had. I didn’t appreciate it back then, but I absolutely loved growing up and always having someone to play with. Back then I always wanted to be an only child, but now I wouldn’t have it any other way! 😀

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m sure! The bickering, the disagreements happen and it’s almost inevitable when there is more that one child in the home. But there are also those precios moments, always having someone to share experiences with, playing partner, swimming buddy, learning buddy, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. This is amazing! I in some way should post something like this too. You are a great storyteller, you will certainly not bore your grandkids. I never say much about myself either. I’d like to know what people think of me, my age, my life. Haha!
    I hope you have a wonderful week, I will certainly enjoy mine if it’s full with all your brilliant posts! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! You should try something like this for sure. I was very hesitant at first because I never really liked writing about myself, but it turned out to be very fun. I hope you have a wonderful week as well, and I’m so happy your day got better by reading this!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I loved them all, and for completely different reasons. I also wear glasses, (rather thick ones, and for most of my life) so there was a lot of identification in that story, and I enjoyed understanding how you feel about them from both an inside and outside perspective.

    I think scars tell so much about a person, literally and in metaphor. For instance: I have a round scar on my right knee from a time I was being silly and ended up skidding across freshly painted blacktop. My jeans were ground into my knee, so it was blue for a while. And my mom scrubbed it to get the jeans out.

    Death is such a powerful concept, and your unsettling memory was absolutely fascinating. While I’m not sure exactly why, it was indeed significant to me. And as a fellow poet and storyteller, thank you for sharing it. I’m going to add it to the “library of human experience” in my heart and mind with great enthusiasm!

    I’m really looking forward to your next post. You write so well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your very thoughtful comment. I’ve only been wearing glasses for about a year and a half, so it was a big shift in perspective when I first started wearing them. Your jeans got stuck right onto your knee?! That reminds me of the time when I was mending a sock whilst wearing it, and accidentally sewed it right onto the side of my big toe. That’s was not a fun experience.

      I totally understand what you mean by the “library of human experience.” I can mine the humanistic mind journal. I always make note of others’ interesting and unique ideas to inspire my own writing.

      Again, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.

      Like

      1. Yep, the scar was literally blue for YEARS.

        I giggled out loud at the sock story. (So sorry!)

        An actor I really like once said his process included finding anything he could that was relevant to the current role. He had to learn, then FORGET, then do. (Sorry for shouting. I wish there were italics in comments!) As writers, it’s good to read others’ work and have vulnerable conversations and really allow ourselves to soak up those experiences. Then we can add them to what we know, and our work becomes imbued with the weight and truth of lifetimes because it comes at an instinctual level (what I think he means by “forget” and then “do”)

        It really is a pleasure, Kat. You have such a warm internet presence! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It seems like a big part of living is learning from other peoples’ experiences and applying them in a very unique way into our own lives. The “forgetting” part is the difference between copying and learning, I think. This actor is a very wise person.

        Your compliment warmed my heart, thank you. The feeling is definitely mutual.

        Liked by 1 person

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